Wine Etiquette

In the wine-infused movie, “Sideways”, one of the characters uncharacteristically tells the server at a wine-tasting bar to “hit me again”.  This is because he is distraught over failing to secure a book publishing deal.  When the server refuses, he grabs the bottle to pour his own glass and incites a tug-of-war with the server.  When the server reclaims the bottle, our protagonist grabs the wine tasting spittoon and, in a scene that would make anyone who knows of its contents, squirm in their seat.

A less extreme example of non-etiquette involves a dinner out with my wife and another couple who also happen to be long time friends, very good friends of ours.  Our friends, who I’ll call Bob and Nadine, enjoy fine dining and good wine in spite of knowing very little about wine.  Like most people, they simply understand that a good wine, by definition, is one that tastes good. 

For this particular outing, I brought a bottle of 2006 Sea Smoke Southing Pinot Noir – a very nice bottle from my cellar that probably could have aged well beyond our evening out.  I selected this particular bottle because it would go well with the food at this seafood restaurant.  We all agreed to start with the Sea Smoke just after ordering.  Our server poured glasses for each of us; we raised a toast and sipped from our glasses.  Well, three of us sipped, while Bob finished about half of his glass in one swallow, followed by a second swallow that emptied the glass.  He immediately exclaimed how delicious the wine was and poured a second glass, which was also gone within five minutes.  Subsequently, he poured a third glass, emptying the bottle. 

I didn’t want to stay anything to Bob because he simply didn’t know any better.  From his perspective, it tasted good and was there for the drinking.  Surely, there was no point in embarrassing a good friend who, I know, would have felt quite badly and probably bought another bottle from the restaurant.  From my perspective, our friendship and ability to hang out and enjoy our time together is much more important and valuable than even the most expensive bottle of wine.

These stories bring up a question: what is proper wine etiquette?   Coupled with this, at what point do the many ideas on etiquette go beyond what is necessary and appropriate in various settings? 

I believe wine is there to be shared as part of the culinary experience among friends or like-minded individuals.   The experience should be fun and festive, although there are times when it can also be serious and contemplative.  For our purposes here, I’m going to focus on the fun and festive.

Experimentation

With all of the notes that follow, feel free to experiment.  Some of the things you try will work better than others, but you will learn.  You will also get educated on what you like best and what your friends and/or associates like as well. 

Technical stuff

Without going into the nuances of storing wine for long term aging, I’ll just focus on a couple of simple tips.  Lighter wines are typically served slightly cooler temperatures than darker wines.  However, beware of the idiom “at room temperature” since, if the temperature in your room is 70 degrees F, it’s too warm for any wine to be served.  Reds are served well in the high 50 to low 60 degree range while whites work well in the low 50’s.  As with all ‘guidelines’, they are not scientific. 

As for the glasses, clear and clean is a good place to start.  Glasses for white wines tend to be a bit narrower than glasses designed for bolder or subtle and complex wines.  You should note here that there are many complex white wines that can be just as bold as dark red wines.  As a basic rule, the glass should hold about 2-3 times the amount that will be poured into it.  It should enable people to see the wine clearly and take in its’ aromas in advance of actually tasting it.  There are many glasses that will accomplish these things.  As you get farther into wine, you will start discovering even more details as to glass sizes and shapes that are designed specifically for certain types of wine in order for those wines to fully be expressed and appreciated. 

A topic that has come up in recent years is that of corks versus screw caps.  In the past, serving a wine from a bottle that is screw capped might appear in bad taste or indicate a cheap wine.  This is no longer the case as more and more medium to higher end wines are being bottled in screw caps.  A few years from now, there will be very little stigma attached to screw caps.

Sharing and Pairing

First off, there’s something very tranquil about pouring a glass of wine in solitude and reading a book or just relaxing at the end of the day.  In the company of others, however, wine is to be shared.  Most people I know are very appreciative when offered a glass of wine.  The offer doesn’t need to be accompanied by any explanation of the wine or description, unless your guest asks. 

I also recommend serving a lighter wine and a heavier wine, unless a food pairing would be offensive with one or the other.  If a meal is part of the gathering, it’s probably a good idea to have a ‘starter’ wine to enjoy prior to the meal and a wine (or wines) to enjoy with the meal. 

It’s also a good idea, if you know that a guest enjoys a particular wine, to have some on hand for them.  If someone brings a bottle, it’s also okay to ask them discreetly if they want to pour it right away or if it is intended to save for later – especially if you are among friends and family. 

As for the food pairings, I love to experiment – sometimes just to find out if a particular wine can handle a certain kind of food.  However, this is not something to be done in mixed company unless everyone is on board with this approach.  Instead, as a general guide lighter wines (in terms of color), tend to work better with lighter colored foods.  For example, serve white wines with Chicken or Sea Bass or Reds with Steak and hearty red pastas.  And, remember, that it’s okay to experiment.  Part of the fun with wine and food is discovery!

Restaurant wine lists

I used to be quite intimidated by wine lists.  I was afraid to say the wrong thing or appear like I knew too much while appearing completely ignorant.  I didn’t want to ask a stupid question or buy a wine only to find out I didn’t like it and not know what to say.  What if I order something and those with me don’t like it?  What if I overspend just because I don’t know any better?  Is it okay to bring my own bottle?  Will the restaurant be offended?

I’m going to try and tackle these questions in a basic sense. 

First off, understand that any reasonable wine steward or, as they are called in the wine business, Sommelier, has already experienced  customers who know very little all the way to the other side of the spectrum of those who know even more than they do.  Most questions are okay.  A good Sommelier will quickly recognize how to answer your question honestly and with sincere hospitality. 

Second, if you are on a budget, it’s okay to ask about a wine that is in the price range you have already decided upon.  This will tell the Sommelier where you’re at without having to be explicit about your spending level.  The target price is up to you.

Third, if you are the one who arranged the meal outing, it’s okay to ask someone else at the table, especially if you are aware that someone is particularly knowledgeable about wine, to select a bottle.

Fourth, there are some restaurants that have a wide variety of menu offerings with which one particular wine will not always go well with.  There’s nothing wrong with asking others at the table if they want to simply order by the glass.   You can also ask the Sommelier advice on how best to pair wines with what everyone has ordered.  Remember, a big component of enjoying wine is all about fun and togetherness.  When the Sommelier comes to the table, the attention of all will probably be naturally diverted to their direction.  At this point, you can ask the folks at the table their opinion.  Questions like, “What do you think we should order?” are fine at this point.  Most Sommeliers I’ve known love engaging in wine-related conversations – they understand the social nature of enjoying wines and usually appreciate a short question and answer endeavor if it means that they can help make your experience more enjoyable.

Finally, if you’re going to bring your own bottle, call ahead and find out if this is okay and what the restaurant’s corkage policy is.  Remember that beverages are usually a reliable profit source for restaurants but customer service is their first goal.   It is also advisable to bring a bottle that is worthy of the cuisine at the restaurant.  In other words, a cheap bottle of wine might be appropriate for a local pizza joint but not appropriate at a world class steakhouse.  Also, if you are going to bring your own bottle, bring one that isn’t on the restaurant’s list.  This is usually easy to determine as many restaurants now post their wine lists on their website.

My last note on bringing your own bottle is, offer a taste to the Sommelier and, if the restaurant allows it, your server.  A small bit to the floor manager is also an option.  I do this every time I bring a bottle and the folks at the restaurant are very appreciative of this.  Sometimes, I’ve brought something they’ve never tried before and they’ve gone as far as to waive the corkage fee.  One manager brought out a complimentary glass from a wine that wasn’t even on their list! 

The alcohol angle

At the risk of overstating the obvious, here it is.  As amazing as wine is, it is important to remember that it is an alcoholic beverage.  Some wines have quite a bit of alcohol, in fact.  People who have learned to enjoy wine as part of the culinary experience understand that the objective isn’t to get buzzed any more than having 3 desserts will make you feel better at the end of the meal.  It’s about the scents, tastes, and nuances implicit in the pairing of wine to the social element or to the food or both.  Moderation is the key.  Also, if you are looking to learn more about wines, know in advance that any level of intoxication – however mild – can impair your ability to discern and truly enjoy the subtleties of the wine and how it works with the food – never mind the impairment of motor control!  Pacing the enjoyment of wine in the midst of tasty foods, engaging conversations, and most importantly, time spent with friends, will merely enhance the experience and make everyone want to come back again. 

If you have any other thoughts or suggestions, I’d love to hear from you.

Cheers!